It's a beautiful day to be alive. It's a beautiful day to make choices. Everyday I live and make choices. I made a choice not to sleep. I made a choice to take advantage of the beautiful mania to speak my mind. I made a choice to let myself sleep because it's necessary to nourish oneself. It's necessary to maintain control, and I feel all the more powerful now. Making choices is powerful.
I am pro-life because I enjoy living life. There is a reason in which I was placed on this earth beyond what I could ever fathom, but I am here despite that misunderstanding.
Every day I enjoy living.
I'm sure most people can agree with that. Even if one doesn't live their lives to the fullest extent possible, that can be changed. Anything can be changed.
Being pro-life and being pro-choice shouldn't have anything to do with abortion. Living life and making choices are both equally important. In fact, one cannot be alive without making choices.
A woman should have the right to choose, I'm not arguing that but it's a completely different issue. A woman should have the right to make choices having to do with her body. A woman should have the right to fuck and enjoy it just as much as guys do.
Mistakes happen; a condom could break, and birth control isn't 100% affective in making a woman become less fertile.
A woman can make the choices not to have sex. A woman can make the choice to be careful and smart while choosing a mate. A woman can chose to become pregnant, even subconsciously. A woman can choose to keep her baby live, even if she's too young to give that baby the life it deserves. A woman can choose to put a baby up for adoption.
People who are adopted aren't as angry about it as you might think. Anthony was adopted, and he's pretty angry but so is everyone. We all have our reasons.
A woman can choose to give another human being life, and that's fucking powerful. A woman can choose to enjoy living life, as I have. A woman can choose to make choices. A woman can choose to be proud of her womanhood while being in a romantic relationship. A woman can choose to accept her mate's manhood, or womanhood for that matter.
Abortion shouldn't be about pro-life or pro-choice.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Jimmy cracks corn, and I really don't give a shit.
I wish I was younger again. My friend Mike and I just found some old videos that we made when we were younger. We made them in elementary school... when things were still genuinely free. Yeah, there was the occasional drama on the playground, but some things never really change. We're still children, we're always going to be children; ignorant, care-free, wanting to learn.
Mike and I have tried finding this particular video for years. Tonight, we happened to find it. By chance... or maybe not. Everything happens for a reason I guess. That video symbolizes our friendship in so many ways, and it almost felt like irony that we happened to actually find the video in the first place. It was a coincidence. We both wanted it to happen but did not go out of our way to find it, consciously at least.
"Red Eye"
We were so original that some big-time producer thought of the same name for a movie they made, and named it that. But after the fact of making the video, a few years after I think. Which means.. we're more original than the big-time producers, we thought of the idea first. Making videos was a creative outlet for us, to be ourselves while being with others, while creating something.
Of course, at the time of making this video, we didn't think it was that important. We were probably just bored, but it evolved into something so beautiful. Boredom can be beautiful.. one can only be bored if they choose to be. You can also choose to be occupied. Both boredom and occupation work, to be bored or to be occupied is a choice. One can choose to create something beautiful just for the fuck of it, or one can choose to deny that opportunity.
Ugh. Opportunity is everywhere.. it takes so much energy but it just keeps coming back to me, keeps filling me, helping me remember. I need to remember. Frendship helps me remember.
In elementary school, all the kids were united. Even the teachers and guidance counselors. Our roles were clearly defined and we followed them blindly: certain rules come with assuming a role (by default). Rules aren't stupid. Rebellion against rules that are legitimate and necessary is stupid, and it's lazy. It takes self-control to accept the inevitabilities of life. It takes BIG FUCKING BALLS to accept 'em & embrace 'em. It may seem simple but that's the point.
When I compare my current school life now to the way I experienced school when I was a young buck, I feel trapped. Trapped in every essense of the word... me and Mike literally got trapped inside my living room. There's no doorknob.. one of us shut the door I guess, I don't remember who but that's not really important anyway.
We were trapped but there were ways out: I could open the window & crawl through it, then go to the front of my house, open the door, go inside, only to find that door doesn't open any easier on the other side.
I also could've found some sort of tool that may have been in my living room at the time, like a screw driver or something but no matter how many solutions seemed to come to mind, I didn't want to pursue them personally. I wanted freedom to happen on it's own, when it decided to.
I didn't want to intervene with literally being trapped... and to top it all off, I was with Mike. The video moved both of us equally and mutually.
To be on the same level with another is really refreshing, especially when it's genuine, pure. Innocence is pure, to be young is pure. To be innocent, yet still an artist is pure. To have a voice but also have a heart is pure. To be able to share myself with another so effortlessly, and have them share themselves with me is pure. It's simple. Simple things are important, right off the bat they're more complex.
When someone or something demands complexity, it's invasive. It's an assumption. People want to make a choice, people don't want to agree. People want to speak their opinion even and especially if it's opposing something and/or someone. I do atleast.
Who's to say one voice holds any less power than another?
Who's to say that fate exists? The natural flow of things says is loud and clear, I can hear it.. almost. The way things occur without intervening, or just intervening as little as possible. There is some sort of continuity to life.. it can be manipulated.
Manipulation can be used on either sides of the spectrum: maliciousness and selflessness. What is selfishness anyway? People are born alone, and die alone. It only makes sense to do what's best for oneself at all times, it's not selfish. Genuine love proves selflessness. I don't want to manipulate but it happens whether I want it to or not. Manipulation through love shouldn't be considered manipulation at all. Love is selfish. Love re-creates me, continually, even when my loved one's physical presense is not graced with mine.
It is still there perpetually, as he is. I can feel it, everywhere: MIND, BODY, AND SOUL. It's not just another coincidence, it's fucking real. REAL. It is something that exists even through denial, through the usual patterns. It is something that exists, with or without my control. Life has a life of it's own, I'm tuning into it. It's real. Really fucking real. I really want to convert that video into a DVD so I can post it. Even if someone doesn't completely understand WHY the film was made, or WHY they are watching it, they could still get something out of it. I believe that things such as videos and blogs and notes and pictures are things that every human person can experience, therefore PERSONALLY experience. It means a lot to me, it symbolizes childhood.
I feel like I'm finally really getting through to people, its really fucking refreshing. I feel like my life is not only just "living", it is creating.
Consistent creation
"Just do the next right thing." I've been told this since I was young by the people closest to me, and my family taught me to go by that rule.
My family has embedded certain rules onto my palms and knees in which I cannot seem to forget, or rebel. I don't wanna rebel anymore, I want to cope.
A wrongly accused righteous man; my blood. Could water be thicker than blood?
Has the blood been soiled? Rotting through my cells,
but who should I be angry at? I'll take blame one more fucking time, if that's what it takes.
If that'll break the cycle, eventually
He didn't even teach me how to ride a Bicycle, he brought me to the dollar store on my birthday.
It's the thought that counts, right?
Blood boiling, I've been nothing but a loyal friend, a juror taking notes.
What else is there to be?
I couldn't understand it if I tried, and believe me I have. It's all I ever do, really. It's the motivation to create anything, really. To seek truth.
Maybe I'll go to the dollar store this year for my birthday and just splurge, on all the simple things.
What else do I need anyway? I have my
MIND, BODY AND SOUL
Isn't that enough?
Mike and I have tried finding this particular video for years. Tonight, we happened to find it. By chance... or maybe not. Everything happens for a reason I guess. That video symbolizes our friendship in so many ways, and it almost felt like irony that we happened to actually find the video in the first place. It was a coincidence. We both wanted it to happen but did not go out of our way to find it, consciously at least.
"Red Eye"
We were so original that some big-time producer thought of the same name for a movie they made, and named it that. But after the fact of making the video, a few years after I think. Which means.. we're more original than the big-time producers, we thought of the idea first. Making videos was a creative outlet for us, to be ourselves while being with others, while creating something.
Of course, at the time of making this video, we didn't think it was that important. We were probably just bored, but it evolved into something so beautiful. Boredom can be beautiful.. one can only be bored if they choose to be. You can also choose to be occupied. Both boredom and occupation work, to be bored or to be occupied is a choice. One can choose to create something beautiful just for the fuck of it, or one can choose to deny that opportunity.
Ugh. Opportunity is everywhere.. it takes so much energy but it just keeps coming back to me, keeps filling me, helping me remember. I need to remember. Frendship helps me remember.
In elementary school, all the kids were united. Even the teachers and guidance counselors. Our roles were clearly defined and we followed them blindly: certain rules come with assuming a role (by default). Rules aren't stupid. Rebellion against rules that are legitimate and necessary is stupid, and it's lazy. It takes self-control to accept the inevitabilities of life. It takes BIG FUCKING BALLS to accept 'em & embrace 'em. It may seem simple but that's the point.
When I compare my current school life now to the way I experienced school when I was a young buck, I feel trapped. Trapped in every essense of the word... me and Mike literally got trapped inside my living room. There's no doorknob.. one of us shut the door I guess, I don't remember who but that's not really important anyway.
We were trapped but there were ways out: I could open the window & crawl through it, then go to the front of my house, open the door, go inside, only to find that door doesn't open any easier on the other side.
I also could've found some sort of tool that may have been in my living room at the time, like a screw driver or something but no matter how many solutions seemed to come to mind, I didn't want to pursue them personally. I wanted freedom to happen on it's own, when it decided to.
I didn't want to intervene with literally being trapped... and to top it all off, I was with Mike. The video moved both of us equally and mutually.
To be on the same level with another is really refreshing, especially when it's genuine, pure. Innocence is pure, to be young is pure. To be innocent, yet still an artist is pure. To have a voice but also have a heart is pure. To be able to share myself with another so effortlessly, and have them share themselves with me is pure. It's simple. Simple things are important, right off the bat they're more complex.
When someone or something demands complexity, it's invasive. It's an assumption. People want to make a choice, people don't want to agree. People want to speak their opinion even and especially if it's opposing something and/or someone. I do atleast.
Who's to say one voice holds any less power than another?
Who's to say that fate exists? The natural flow of things says is loud and clear, I can hear it.. almost. The way things occur without intervening, or just intervening as little as possible. There is some sort of continuity to life.. it can be manipulated.
Manipulation can be used on either sides of the spectrum: maliciousness and selflessness. What is selfishness anyway? People are born alone, and die alone. It only makes sense to do what's best for oneself at all times, it's not selfish. Genuine love proves selflessness. I don't want to manipulate but it happens whether I want it to or not. Manipulation through love shouldn't be considered manipulation at all. Love is selfish. Love re-creates me, continually, even when my loved one's physical presense is not graced with mine.
It is still there perpetually, as he is. I can feel it, everywhere: MIND, BODY, AND SOUL. It's not just another coincidence, it's fucking real. REAL. It is something that exists even through denial, through the usual patterns. It is something that exists, with or without my control. Life has a life of it's own, I'm tuning into it. It's real. Really fucking real. I really want to convert that video into a DVD so I can post it. Even if someone doesn't completely understand WHY the film was made, or WHY they are watching it, they could still get something out of it. I believe that things such as videos and blogs and notes and pictures are things that every human person can experience, therefore PERSONALLY experience. It means a lot to me, it symbolizes childhood.
I feel like I'm finally really getting through to people, its really fucking refreshing. I feel like my life is not only just "living", it is creating.
Consistent creation
"Just do the next right thing." I've been told this since I was young by the people closest to me, and my family taught me to go by that rule.
My family has embedded certain rules onto my palms and knees in which I cannot seem to forget, or rebel. I don't wanna rebel anymore, I want to cope.
A wrongly accused righteous man; my blood. Could water be thicker than blood?
Has the blood been soiled? Rotting through my cells,
but who should I be angry at? I'll take blame one more fucking time, if that's what it takes.
If that'll break the cycle, eventually
He didn't even teach me how to ride a Bicycle, he brought me to the dollar store on my birthday.
It's the thought that counts, right?
Blood boiling, I've been nothing but a loyal friend, a juror taking notes.
What else is there to be?
I couldn't understand it if I tried, and believe me I have. It's all I ever do, really. It's the motivation to create anything, really. To seek truth.
Maybe I'll go to the dollar store this year for my birthday and just splurge, on all the simple things.
What else do I need anyway? I have my
MIND, BODY AND SOUL
Isn't that enough?
Definition
I wrote this for Myspace in the "about me" section, instead of the usual "HI MY NAME IS" bullshit. Booooooring!
I'm the bees fuckin' knees, I want to cut down every tree in the rain forest & recycle oxygen for more than it's worth.
I want to find the core & cut it into two divided slices of earth.
I want to assassinate Facebook (and Myspace) from my tiny, barely existent brain, but I've been trained by a higher power to devour the slightest scent of sweet & sour, to become one with the mass murderer of our generation: technology.
As long as I'm the same sane, indifferent, uncharacteristic ordinary girl, at least I'm safe. At least I can go on pretending & contend that I'm oh-so different from you all.
I know my mind is cluttered, and I know it's no excuse. But the truth is immutable, my friends, as is the tendency to distract & to be distracted.
Do yourself a favor & open your eyes just one last time. Keep those lids open wide and give that mime suit the boot, it doesn't fit your limbs any longer.
Not one of you is as naive or ignorant as you believe yourself to be. Realize this & you'll be a tyrant to the wealth of your liking, and while you're at it, help me save the world.
I'm the bees fuckin' knees, I want to cut down every tree in the rain forest & recycle oxygen for more than it's worth.
I want to find the core & cut it into two divided slices of earth.
I want to assassinate Facebook (and Myspace) from my tiny, barely existent brain, but I've been trained by a higher power to devour the slightest scent of sweet & sour, to become one with the mass murderer of our generation: technology.
As long as I'm the same sane, indifferent, uncharacteristic ordinary girl, at least I'm safe. At least I can go on pretending & contend that I'm oh-so different from you all.
I know my mind is cluttered, and I know it's no excuse. But the truth is immutable, my friends, as is the tendency to distract & to be distracted.
Do yourself a favor & open your eyes just one last time. Keep those lids open wide and give that mime suit the boot, it doesn't fit your limbs any longer.
Not one of you is as naive or ignorant as you believe yourself to be. Realize this & you'll be a tyrant to the wealth of your liking, and while you're at it, help me save the world.
Blast from the past
This piece of writing is gonna start while I'm in the process of a writers block, sorta to work my way through it I guess instead of just letting it eat away at me until I gather my thoughts completely.. fuck that.
A blast from the past happened today, and yesterday, too. And the day before that. It happens every day actually; like re-acquainting oneself. A blast from the past won't last in your memory for too long, they're nothing more or less than a flash in a movie.
This movie, seems to continue forever
not only through me, but through other people
through the way things are and the way they would've been; the world as we know it
through and through
It's tough to swallow, like a pill when you have a really sore throat.
If I wasn't alive right now, things would still remain. Ouch, what a blow to the ego!
It's intimidating; the world as we know it
Why does everyone believe they are so meaningless? A legitimate connection exists within the way things happen
& the way things are
other than through myself, I am an instrument,
but I'm no different.
The movie will end eventually... but would the ending be happy?
Happy as in peaceful, harmonious.
I'll never know for sure.
Can I learn myself through another, through blood of mine;
literally and hypothetically,
washing my hands in the reservoir of serenity?
Why not compromising with what you can't win? Like a business deal,
like trading secrets just to gain secrets.
Secrets are symbols, they hold power. Sharing secrets holds power,
I am a tyrant to the wealth of my liking. I still have writer's block, what the fuck.
Dealing with emotions takes work. It's fucking draining, really.
I'd rather be informed than ignorant
I'd rather speak "the truth", not
"my truth".
Where does one draw the line, though? I guess I'll never really know
I'm so quick to judge.. maybe not.
I guess I'll always be alittle bit insecure of the things I write.. with great power comes great responsibility. Writing gives power to anyone, really. Anyone has the right to write, but I don't think enough people write.
And if they do, they're selfconscious about it! Always.
Selfconsciousness is only a problem when it holds me back from just saying what I have to say, even if I have no idea what that is.
Like I said, I'm an instrument
I don't always understand, that's the point.. the drive, motivation.
Questions are motivation.
Secrets are motivation.
Metaphors are beautiful. I spend way too much time explaining myself,
metaphors created with actions, not words
mean something even bigger. Manificent, actually.
In size that is.
The more I write, the better of a writer I become. It's as simple as that,
practice really does make perfect.
Well, maybe not perfect... but perfection doesn't really exist anyway.
It's a goal to meet.
Perfection isn't enough of an incentive for me to practice.
Perfection isn't something to strive towards at all
Why would I set myself up for failure? I wouldn't.
Maybe not perfection, but I know I want to be good at writing. It's a skill, which takes patience
like any other
It's 11:11
Make a wish.
A blast from the past happened today, and yesterday, too. And the day before that. It happens every day actually; like re-acquainting oneself. A blast from the past won't last in your memory for too long, they're nothing more or less than a flash in a movie.
This movie, seems to continue forever
not only through me, but through other people
through the way things are and the way they would've been; the world as we know it
through and through
It's tough to swallow, like a pill when you have a really sore throat.
If I wasn't alive right now, things would still remain. Ouch, what a blow to the ego!
It's intimidating; the world as we know it
Why does everyone believe they are so meaningless? A legitimate connection exists within the way things happen
& the way things are
other than through myself, I am an instrument,
but I'm no different.
The movie will end eventually... but would the ending be happy?
Happy as in peaceful, harmonious.
I'll never know for sure.
Can I learn myself through another, through blood of mine;
literally and hypothetically,
washing my hands in the reservoir of serenity?
Why not compromising with what you can't win? Like a business deal,
like trading secrets just to gain secrets.
Secrets are symbols, they hold power. Sharing secrets holds power,
I am a tyrant to the wealth of my liking. I still have writer's block, what the fuck.
Dealing with emotions takes work. It's fucking draining, really.
I'd rather be informed than ignorant
I'd rather speak "the truth", not
"my truth".
Where does one draw the line, though? I guess I'll never really know
I'm so quick to judge.. maybe not.
I guess I'll always be alittle bit insecure of the things I write.. with great power comes great responsibility. Writing gives power to anyone, really. Anyone has the right to write, but I don't think enough people write.
And if they do, they're selfconscious about it! Always.
Selfconsciousness is only a problem when it holds me back from just saying what I have to say, even if I have no idea what that is.
Like I said, I'm an instrument
I don't always understand, that's the point.. the drive, motivation.
Questions are motivation.
Secrets are motivation.
Metaphors are beautiful. I spend way too much time explaining myself,
metaphors created with actions, not words
mean something even bigger. Manificent, actually.
In size that is.
The more I write, the better of a writer I become. It's as simple as that,
practice really does make perfect.
Well, maybe not perfect... but perfection doesn't really exist anyway.
It's a goal to meet.
Perfection isn't enough of an incentive for me to practice.
Perfection isn't something to strive towards at all
Why would I set myself up for failure? I wouldn't.
Maybe not perfection, but I know I want to be good at writing. It's a skill, which takes patience
like any other
It's 11:11
Make a wish.
and bingo was his name-oh
To be, or not to be? Sweet, I'm quoting Shakespeare now. What the fuck is going on? I cease to surprise myself.
Selfishness vs. Selflessness
TO BE!
or not to be?
Everyday I battle between the two,
they confuse the already oh so chaotic chitter-chatter in my
CRANIUM
Can I be selfish while still being a selfless person?
There's no answer. Maybe there is, but it's conflicted
It could be yes OR no
My actions signify my character
MIND, BODY, AND SOUL
Can I beat the system of the constant give and take
Without faking? Just giving.
Can I be selfless and still feel fulfilled?
I want to manipulate the system
Scratch that.
I want to CONTINUE manipulating the system
I’m on the right track. I hope so, at least..
Selfishness vs. Selflessness
TO SHOW!
or not to show?
Can I be subtle while still being obvious?
What’s so intoxicating about subtly, anyway?
It’s a tool.
Can I claim my beauty without sounding condescending?
Everyone’s just so caught up in what everyone thinks.
Beauty is powerful, it should not be hidden.
I'm not talking about beauty only in it’s physical form
It’s just another talent or trait, like the ability to paint,
Like the color of one's eye
A gift given at birth;
Like the earth, it CLAIMS the soil that abodes within and around it
It does not deny it. It is what it is,
Like an undeniable sense of style.
Just another subtlety
TO BELIEVE!
or not to believe?
I’ve taken Bukowski’s advice (but haven‘t we all?)
I believe everything that I can.
MIND, BODY, AND SOUL
They are one, yet three
Separate entities
All needing a specific fix of their own
A thought for the mind, a meal for the body, a fuck for the soul.
A thought, a meal, and a good fuck, any fuck for that matter,
affect all three in different ways
All are equally important.
Can I be distracted while simultaneously & synchronically
be fully absorbed?
Irony.
TO FINISH!
or not to finish?
Conclusions never cease to mind-fuck me
But even though the words will end,
I will not!
That realization never ceases to amaze me.
But I must finish, above all else, I must.
Am I in your head yet?
This draft turned out better than the one before
that erased itself
or was erased by some "higher power"
It’s 6:32 in the morning, my insomnia is coming back
But I don’t mind!
Night-time leaves room to think, leaves room for freedom.
Freedom of the
MIND, BODY, AND SOUL
& I always take what I can get.
Selfishness vs. Selflessness
TO BE!
or not to be?
Everyday I battle between the two,
they confuse the already oh so chaotic chitter-chatter in my
CRANIUM
Can I be selfish while still being a selfless person?
There's no answer. Maybe there is, but it's conflicted
It could be yes OR no
My actions signify my character
MIND, BODY, AND SOUL
Can I beat the system of the constant give and take
Without faking? Just giving.
Can I be selfless and still feel fulfilled?
I want to manipulate the system
Scratch that.
I want to CONTINUE manipulating the system
I’m on the right track. I hope so, at least..
Selfishness vs. Selflessness
TO SHOW!
or not to show?
Can I be subtle while still being obvious?
What’s so intoxicating about subtly, anyway?
It’s a tool.
Can I claim my beauty without sounding condescending?
Everyone’s just so caught up in what everyone thinks.
Beauty is powerful, it should not be hidden.
I'm not talking about beauty only in it’s physical form
It’s just another talent or trait, like the ability to paint,
Like the color of one's eye
A gift given at birth;
Like the earth, it CLAIMS the soil that abodes within and around it
It does not deny it. It is what it is,
Like an undeniable sense of style.
Just another subtlety
TO BELIEVE!
or not to believe?
I’ve taken Bukowski’s advice (but haven‘t we all?)
I believe everything that I can.
MIND, BODY, AND SOUL
They are one, yet three
Separate entities
All needing a specific fix of their own
A thought for the mind, a meal for the body, a fuck for the soul.
A thought, a meal, and a good fuck, any fuck for that matter,
affect all three in different ways
All are equally important.
Can I be distracted while simultaneously & synchronically
be fully absorbed?
Irony.
TO FINISH!
or not to finish?
Conclusions never cease to mind-fuck me
But even though the words will end,
I will not!
That realization never ceases to amaze me.
But I must finish, above all else, I must.
Am I in your head yet?
This draft turned out better than the one before
that erased itself
or was erased by some "higher power"
It’s 6:32 in the morning, my insomnia is coming back
But I don’t mind!
Night-time leaves room to think, leaves room for freedom.
Freedom of the
MIND, BODY, AND SOUL
& I always take what I can get.
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